betapapun besar cinta.
di alam raya
yang ledaknya memecah sunyi merengkuh dunia
yang duduk di sudut-sudut gelap kesendirian,
yang memperkawan semesta, menggandeng
tangan mungilnya agar ia belajar bersuka cita
yang darinya hidup, dan impian, dan perasaan, dan
sengsara,
dan derita,
dan gemerlap keemasan yang kilatnya berpendar
dalam keagungan peradaban manusia.
betapapun besar cinta.
semoga bara kita masih tersisa.
Jakarta Barat, 28 Oktober 2024
Loving at 26 feels like smoking a cigarette down to the butt, then realizing you’ve only got another one left and the lighter’s nowhere to be found. The fire’s almost out, so you’re desperate to light the last one with trembling hands. When it finally burns, you savor every breath, letting it fill your lungs, knowing deep down this last one too will burn out, leaving only ashes behind.
It is only after some long and sad months I decided to go out for a nightride at 2am in december when the wind howled with force as it touched my hair and the weather was cold as it pierced into my skin. That I’ve finally came into one radical conclusion.
Starting today, I’ll choose to let go of counting years: to entirely erase my biological age from my life forever and live authentically, to cherish moments with kindhearted people in each fleeting second. I want to try once again to live beyond the given societal prisons and above the tyranny of biological clock. That shall be my manifesto of (perhaps) the last years of life. To start anew and be reborn one last time.
I’ve decided. Since the beginning of my last heartbreak with her. That this time, I’ll turn my life into an art. and I’ll make the best out of it.
December, 2024